“Whatever happened to chivalry? Does it only exist in 80’s movies? I want John Cusack holding a boombox outside my window. I wanna ride off on a lawnmower with Patrick Dempsey. I want Jake from Sixteen Candles waiting outside the church for me. I want Judd Nelson thrusting his fist into the air because he knows he got me. Just once I want my life to be like an 80’s movie, preferably one with a really awesome musical number for no apparent reason. But no, no, John Hughes did not direct my life.”—Easy A
The following is all purely speculation. That said, however, I will attempt to provide in the following bullets a series of evidence to support my guess. Some items used are only semi-canonical, but there has never been any disclaimer that they are not true.